Adrenal Status

My adrenals are more damaged than I realized. Starting the iodine, with the detox and not normal reactions I'm getting, I started thinking they needed more support. So I grabbed this stuff called Rhodiola Recharge by Rainbow Light. Good stuff... excellent herbal blend.

Yeah my body liked it for about 12 hours.

My body started a reaction involving the gut and pain in my back and dizziness and crashing on energy and hypoglycemia... it's a severe version of what I deal with on a regular basis. So today I looked up odd reactions to adrenal supps... found Dr. Lam's site referencing something called "paradoxical reactions". These are reactions that even he has no idea why the body rejects things that will help it.

It's such a great site... he thinks like I do. Very methodical and his articles are ridiculously wordy but so informative and make sense.

Anyway... based on what I go through on a damn daily basis... I have Stage 3C damage. That is me. And he preaches that people need to not "self-navigate" when at this stage and a professional specialist is needed.

*ahem* Guilty! Hahaha

Because of this and how bad I crashed (its been rough) I actually contacted Dr. Lam and he actually wrote back this BOOK of explanation and asked me questions..  I think I'll use him to fix me up. I was reading thru his articles and it's crazy how bad it is, especially when that article is "talking about you".

So I ordered his book called Adrenal Fatigue Syndrome. It's a HUGE book... 500+ pages. It goes over almost every single aspect of adrenal problems that you could possibly think of.

Come to find out, my adrenals may be why I continue to miscarry.

So... I have stopped the majority of my vitamins. I'm letting my body rest for a bit and attempt to return back to normalcy. I do still take my betaine hcl with each meal, hoping to get my vitamins from my paleo diet, take some b vitamins, vitamin d and only 100% RDA of iodine. I do take the occasional selenium... every now and then.

I have started to build what I need to support the adrenals... I do see what I was missing throughout this time. I do wish that a doctor would guide me since I appear to be pretty hard core into the damage. I don't want to cause more damage, but nobody else seems to really understand how the adrenals work and what exactly they do for you.

To put it in layman's terms, the adrenals are like the timing chain/belt in a car (your body). If things aren't just right, the car isn't going to run properly. The computer (your brain) can try all it wants to correct issues in the system, or you can give it awesome fuel and oil (diet and vitamins), but without the timing belt being on the proper pegs or at the proper location, it's just going to be an inefficient system that eventually leads to the car breaking down. Sometimes you just have to take it apart, and put it back together... so this is why I have stopped the vitamins and I am attempting to stop stress.

For those who are aware that stress causes disease... the adrenals are what control your stress response. I have found how PTSD severely damages the adrenals, due to the constant fight or flight response. Autoimmune issues cause damage. Trauma causes damage. Parasite infection causes damage. 

Pardon my french, but no fucking wonder my adrenals are in a shit state. I have had 3 of the 4 things I just listed above in the last 4 years!! 

Time to correct it... and only time will tell how well this works. I'm hoping Dr. Lam helps me out with this.

Zinc, chemical pregnancies, and ovulation

"According to The Centers for Disease Control’s Assisted Reproductive Technology Report, low levels of zinc have been directly linked to miscarriage in the early stages of a pregnancy due to an inability for cells to divide properly, making maintaining the level of this important mineral essential to a healthy pregnancy."

http://hethir.hubpages.com/hub/How-Essential-is-Zinc-to-Fertility

So, as you know, I regularly have chemical pregnancies.

I have had problems with my zinc levels for a long time. I've tried different types and as of a couple days ago, I was taking an amino acid chelated zinc with copper for the past few months. I couldn't seem to get my stretch marks to heal (they are 2 years old!) And have very slow wound healing as well as my hair comes out in handfuls.

So, I had found out how to properly muscle test, which is basically getting answers from your subconscious about the status of your body, and I found out I'm taking the wrong kind of zinc as well as not taking in enough magnesium and biotin. So I went out Thursday and got me some new vitamins that my body claims to be able to absorb better. The biotin one surprised me... very interesting.

As of Thursday, I was CD16 and thinking it would be an anov cycle because of the detox I was doing. My opks were stark white.

Took my new vitamins that evening and did a second dose the next morning to immediately up my levels. I've been having problems with parasthesias in my mouth and I want it gone.

Yesterday afternoon... opk is almost positive! My body turned itself right around and blam positive opk today, CD18.

Zinc plays a HUGE role in ovulation as well as implantation.

Now that I allegedly have the right zinc, maybe I'll be able to hold on to my babies...

I'm ovulating the exact same day as my last major pregnancy... it's almost like a do-over. Maybe this time the baby will stick if we catch it.

Means another bfp on my birthday... lol

We will see!

In the meantime dear reader... check your nutrient status if you are having problems conceiving!

It's been a while...

With everything that happened earlier this year, there was just WAY too much going on and I didn't have the motivation, nor the need, to express how I felt here.

I spent so much time, in January and February, recovering from the miscarriage and from my Cymbalta withdrawal.

Truly, the worst, physically and mentally, was the Cymbalta. Emotionally, it was the miscarriage.

I truly HATED getting off that drug. It is one of the worst things I've been through. Going from high to low to wild to sleepy while my brain figured itself out... it was friggin' ridiculous.

As I may have mentioned in my prior post on the HSG, my cycle had to be forced using Provera, some 41 days post miscarriage.  The next cycle, the HSG cycle, ended up being a long cycle as well. I didn't ovulate until CD27, AF showed on CD41.

And now... here I am... CD37... and still no ovulation. This is late, even for me.

This is even with an HCG TRIGGER that I took on CD14.

Nope. Body said NO. Went all Grumpy Cat on me.

Since it's so late, I have decided to start a round of progesterone therapy.  I started my Natpro cream to give my body a dose of progesterone. I feel like I may have created a cyst or two from the trigger, and the fact that I'm not ovulating is concerning.

Cool part... my bloodwork is completely clean. No problems whatsoever.

Bad part... this means they don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

So... I have started something called Wobenzym. These are systemic enzymes that are there to help your body bring it back to healthy status. Talk about a massive detox. I will post something on Wobenzym later, defining what it does and explaining some benefits. I'm still in the process of doing the full research on it.

Another good news... I am not allergic to any foods! (other than wheat of course) So any intolerances will likely be addressed by the Wobenzym. I will link to my post on Wobenzym when I post it.

I will get back in the groove of sharing information that I find on this journey that I'm forced to travel.

Miscarriage experience

Just for those who are searching... because I certainly was.

Miscarriage sucks. It varies in the pain category,  depending on the pregnancy. Every pregnancy changes... and this is my story.

Found out about the miscarriage Thursday.

By Friday,  the bleeding was barely there... so I drank an angelica decoction to help bring it faster, so I can just be done with it.

Saturday, there was some heavier bleeding, but nothing notable. It appeared to stop by evening. I didn't want to do another decoction to avoid any bleeding issues.

I woke up Sunday morning to my husband lying in bed, listening to music.

I noticed that I was cramping pretty heavily and felt like I might be leaking so I got up to check. It felt a lot like IBS cramps, which is usually relieved by a bowel movement. No dice.

When I got back to my bed, the contractions were not pretty. I was noticing they were pretty heavy and noting that I was likely fully miscarrying this morning.

I'm typically a real trooper when it comes to my pain, so the fact that I agreed that the cramping hurt a bit was huge.

I laid down, with the intent of trying to go back to sleep.

No deal. Had to pee again.

Got up again... and when I made my way back to the bed, the pain was debilitating.  I was surprised at how much it hurt... it's just a miscarriage for pete's sake.

I laid down and tried to focus on other things... Facebook,  pinterest... nope. The contractions were starting to get nasty, now that I was awake.

Contractions weren't decreasing at all. They were lasting for 5-10 minutes and only giving me a break of a minute between.

I kept trying to change positions to ease the pain... and finally had to get up. I walked back and forth, trying to ease the discomfort that was steadily growing... threatening to reach an unmanageable level.

Nausea started rising from the pain, and my concern for safety grew. I'm all about letting the body do its thing, but not to the point where I can't walk without vomiting. 

I asked David to get me a bowl. I knew the vomiting was coming and my bowels were insisting on emptying themselves at the same time.

I sat on the toilet... the contractions consuming me. I tried reiki to calm my nerves and stomach... I absolutely could not focus enough, so I then focused on giving in to the pain, letting my body do what it needs.

The vomiting started... creating a pushing action down below. It wasn't painful... the contractions were painful, not the pushing. I started focusing on trying to stop the vomiting... nothing was coming out... only digestive juices. I could not get it to stop.

About 5 minutes into continuous vomiting, and during a gracious break, my water broke.

Oh My God.

The relief I felt at just having that release in pressure was heavenly.

Immediately, my nausea disappeared.

At 11 weeks, there is apparently a lot for the uterus to get rid of and it was struggling to get the unready unripe cervix open, causing the massive pain.

I believe I passed the baby when the water broke... my bleeding has since slowed considerably.

I post this horrendous experience for others who are going thru the same thing. We, as mothers, are scared shitless to go through a miscarriage in the first place... I can only hope my experience tells that this kind of pain in a miscarriage is normal.

The Hopelessness of Infertility

Life just sucks sometimes.

This pregnancy that I announced in November was fatefully doomed.

I received confirmation of the miscarriage via ultrasound and blood work two days ago, after I started bleeding (like period bleeding) and my midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler. I was to be 11 weeks along yesterday, and the baby wasn't even measuring 8 weeks.  They said that the baby likely passed within just a couple days after the last sonogram, shown below, where the heart beat was happily at 174bpm and the baby was just starting to move.  This is the final picture of my child while living.

Down the tubes goes my hopes and dreams for this little one... to wait for the next little soul to grace us with its presence, hopefully more permanently.

No more thinking about the anatomy scan that was going to be coming up soon... no more starting to think about a baby shower since this is my first.  No more daydreaming about summer birthdays since this one was due in the middle of summer.  No more dreaming about a baby girl wearing the pink tutu dress with the big bright cheeky smile inherited from her daddy.  No more dreaming about an artistic baby boy who likes to draw and play baseball.  No more thinking about this upcoming Halloween and what we would dress the baby up as.

I cry... but more on the inside than out.  The tears fall within, borne from pain of 2 years of infertility, health issues, hard research, and death.

My soul cries, knowing that this was all planned for me to experience in this life time... and yet with all the advances in medical science, we are unable to tell why women miscarry and what the exact reason was.

So now... I sit back and wait, while my body expels the tissue naturally... knowing that I created this, and I also killed it.  This is where infertility hurts the most.

Infertility strikes any woman to the core; making us feel less womanly.

The power within the woman is amazing... we have the power to create from within... and the power to kill from within.

I seek to find peace from within... and balance.  I am sad, while I sit here, bleeding both from my body and from my soul, but it won't last. I will return to the strength I once was... and to know that something so small can tear down my rock solid emotional defenses...

... is heart warming and I can't wait to try again.