Zinc, chemical pregnancies, and ovulation

"According to The Centers for Disease Control’s Assisted Reproductive Technology Report, low levels of zinc have been directly linked to miscarriage in the early stages of a pregnancy due to an inability for cells to divide properly, making maintaining the level of this important mineral essential to a healthy pregnancy."

http://hethir.hubpages.com/hub/How-Essential-is-Zinc-to-Fertility

So, as you know, I regularly have chemical pregnancies.

I have had problems with my zinc levels for a long time. I've tried different types and as of a couple days ago, I was taking an amino acid chelated zinc with copper for the past few months. I couldn't seem to get my stretch marks to heal (they are 2 years old!) And have very slow wound healing as well as my hair comes out in handfuls.

So, I had found out how to properly muscle test, which is basically getting answers from your subconscious about the status of your body, and I found out I'm taking the wrong kind of zinc as well as not taking in enough magnesium and biotin. So I went out Thursday and got me some new vitamins that my body claims to be able to absorb better. The biotin one surprised me... very interesting.

As of Thursday, I was CD16 and thinking it would be an anov cycle because of the detox I was doing. My opks were stark white.

Took my new vitamins that evening and did a second dose the next morning to immediately up my levels. I've been having problems with parasthesias in my mouth and I want it gone.

Yesterday afternoon... opk is almost positive! My body turned itself right around and blam positive opk today, CD18.

Zinc plays a HUGE role in ovulation as well as implantation.

Now that I allegedly have the right zinc, maybe I'll be able to hold on to my babies...

I'm ovulating the exact same day as my last major pregnancy... it's almost like a do-over. Maybe this time the baby will stick if we catch it.

Means another bfp on my birthday... lol

We will see!

In the meantime dear reader... check your nutrient status if you are having problems conceiving!

Detoxification and What Vitamins Are Needed To Do This

So I'm currently in the middle of a pretty heavy detoxification protocol, using the super antioxidant alpha lipoic acid and chlorella.

Yes yes... they have warnings that chlorella should not be used for those with autoimmune diseases, I get it.

But... the fact that I am completely cavewoman paleolithic in my diet (no grains, no dairy, very little sugar) as well as no nightshades and no FODMAPs... I have removed from my diet anything that may set off my system and compete with the chlorella.

In fact, I've been doing this for 2 months now... and guess who has two thumbs and HASN'T lost weight?

This girl.  - _ -

NOT acceptable. I don't work my ass off eating the way that I do to get nothing out of it except an immune system that isn't being set off like the fire alarm all the time.

So I did some research... found that alpha lipoic acid does go through cell walls and also through the blood brain barrier, helping you FULLY detoxify, as well as re-energizing your mitochondria, which are responsible for your metabolism.

So while the alpha lipoic acid is washing out my cells that appear to be completely full of crap, the chlorella runs through my blood stream and picks up what was tossed out of the cells, binds to it, and sends it to the exit down south.

I have been on this for a week. I am on the weakest dosage possible of both... and holy crap, my system started right back up running, but I have the hugest hangover from it. I am drinking a ton of water and eating as much fiber as I can to keep the system running smoothly.

Anyway... so the full reason of this post (because I don't have real time for an update at this time) is that I had noticed, just this week while doing this detox, that my lip numbness, faintness, and anxiety returned after lunch for some reason, within an hour.

I have determined that my b12 levels weren't doing so good... it was immediately remedied by my sublingual b12 tablets.... I'm talking within 5 minutes.

So I wanted to see what the full role that b12 had in the whole detoxification process, and if my already limited stores are being used up quicker and I need to up my dosage for the time.

Found a wonderful link for those who like to get into the full science of the whole process like me:

http://tuberose.com/Liver_Detoxification.html

Such an awesome link.

Check it out.

Will post more later on about specifics of what's been happening since July and what I've learned.

 

Death, death and more death.

I've had enough.

While I did ask for a life change... I didn't ask for my life to be ripped up out of the ground and torn to shreds.

As of my last update post, I had left my previous job and had just accepted a new one, which has turned out wonderfully. I'm not stressed at work... and I think they may actually use my capabilities better than any corporate job would.

Also ovulated on my own for the first time in a reasonable amount of time, showing the release of work related stress.

That was just the start.

Not a week later, on June 10, my husband totaled his 2000 Corolla in a freak incident involving hay bales that fell out of someone's truck, causing chain reaction chaos that unfortunately David was involved in.

You can see one of the other vehicles in this pic and their crunched up front end, as well as the hay bale on the freeway.

So we go from paid off Corolla... to new-to-us Toyota Matrix (basically a Corolla with a hatchback) with a payment. Wonderful, after I've taken a massive pay cut with my job change.

So that was Monday.

That same Friday, we found out that my sister, who was 24 weeks pregnant with my niece, Emily, had stopped feeling movement... and Emily had passed away. My sister had the heartbreaking experience of a second trimester loss... which dredged up all kinds of hell within me with all my losses, mostly my January loss.

Two days later... I got a positive pregnancy test.

It was so faint, it almost wasn't there, and that's 14dpo, so I had the feeling it was going to be yet another chemical pregnancy... and it was. The tests were negative by that evening after a long hold. I tried the next morning with my first morning pee, and still negative.

The next day, my sister was induced and she birthed baby Emily at 6:05pm. The baby was so tiny... Feeling my sister's anguish over losing her first born and her sobbing and apologizing... absolutely heart wrenching.

My bleeding from my chemical pregnancy started as my sister birthed Emily. That was truly strange.

Then we had a week of nothing happening... everything was going ok.

And then more hell broke loose...

Our dog, 1 year old Banner, who had been struggling with epileptic grand mal seizures, was killed by a cluster of seizures that went for too long on July 3rd.

This was such a shock... we didn't think he'd die from it. We only had the puppy for 6 months... he was found as a stray.  He was so frickin adorable too... the cutest boxer/pitbull mix I've ever seen, known as a bullboxer pit. This picture was taken a week before he passed. We were showing off his new Batman collar and his personalized tag we just got for him.

So that happened two days ago... yesterday was Emily's memorial where we released balloons with notes attached to them, written to Emily. Mine was written to Emily and Banner... I'm sure my husband's was also. We both put our notes on the same balloon... it weighed it down more than the others, so it took longer to take off... but then finally a wind gust caught it and pulled it up and away.

So today I sit at my computer... feeling pretty sorry for myself. This past month has sucked ASS. The only good things were that I ovulated on my own and I have a new wonderful job that doesn't drive me insane.

I don't think I can handle anymore heartache... with the loss in January, now a new one which almost wasn't there to up my tally of lost pregnancies to 11 since December 2010... losing my puppy who was well trained and smart and just so happy... losing my niece... knowing my sister is now a member of the stillbirth club...

I can't do it anymore.

Universe... please please please give me/us a break.

I really hope that this death cycle is over... death of my baby, death of my grandpa by suicide in March, death of my sister's baby, death of my puppy... all in 6 months.

This seriously tests my limits of acceptance... I typically will accept things and move on relatively easily. I have the belief that I wrote all of my life path... so I take comfort in that I wrote this in so I can experience it and accept it. Appeals to my need to control my life I think.

But this is going far... I'm having a hard time accepting that so much has been taken from me lately, while I continue to give and give all I can with educating people and helping them feel better...

I really hope I didn't write anymore tragedy in for a long time.

Pantothenic Acid (Vitamin B5) and weight loss

Spectracell Labs posted a very informative blog post regarding vitamins and weight management here that flipped on the light bulb for me today.

I was so thrilled I almost cried.

So let me start from the beginning with a bit of background.

I have expressed in prior posts how I had been overweight, went thru the hcg diet a few times, got down to my ideal weight, and then I gained weight like no other in the next year, unable to control my weight gain with my strict immense willpower when it comes to food. I gained some 90lbs and would have kept going if I hadn't found my Celiac at the end of 2011. Went gluten free and weight gain stopped... but no weight loss ever happened on its own.

Found out last September that I had a severe vitamin B5 deficiency after being tested by Spectracell Labs. Come to find out, this is normal for celiacs, as I think I mentioned in my post back then.

So... I started supplementing B5 after finishing yet another round of hcg dieting that was absolutely fruitless. (No weight loss at all)

Got pregnant in November... and I actually lost a size while pregnant. No crazy food issues either. No major morning sickness that prevented me from eating or anything.

Lost the baby in January... and ran out of my huge bottles of pantothenic acid then. Thinking I didn't need it anymore, I didn't bother to replace them.

I gained 10lbs in the following two months... realized I felt like crap again so I started up the b5 again at half the dose, and realized I'll probably have to supplement for the rest of my life... I just don't absorb it properly.

Ok so now that you have the short and sweet story... the reason for this whole post.

Spectracell mentioned in their blog that B5 is the precursor to the enzyme lipase, which is the FAT BURNING ENZYME.

Holy mother of god... I found the reason why I gained so much weight uncontrollably and now I know how to reverse it.

I've been all about the enzymes lately... I knew I was lacking in lipase but I couldn't figure out why nor how to fix it, other than to supplement with digestive enzymes.

If I look back at my history it all makes sense.

Fasted with the hcg diet a number of times in 2009, likely depleting cellularly stored pantothenic acid. Since I don't absorb it properly, I wasn't able to replenish it. With each hcg round, my ability to lose weight decreased and the weight loss would slow. I notoriously lost less weight than others doing the same diet and even with them cheating on it and me being very strict.

So I gained after I was done with those. A lot. No lipase available to burn fat as energy.

Fast forward to October last year... didn't lose at all... my stores were empty, as referenced by my nutrition report.

November thru January supplementing 1g a day and lost a pant size (didn't lose scale weight, but didn't gain either).

Bottle ends and I gain weight back.

I get a new bottle and flip from taking 500mg to 1g a day... mostly 500mg a day. I fluctuate in size... I don't know my smaller days are related to the 1g or not.

SO... I took 2g today of pantothenic acid. My normal 500 this morning and 1500mg this evening.

I so can't wait to see if this is going to work for me.

I will check in with this later.

As of this morning, I am 225.2 lbs.

In the meantime, check out this wonderfully written article about pantothenic acid:

http://www.coryholly.com/articles/article.cfm?id=172

Sometimes things just happen...

Ok, I'm going to upset most women suffering from infertility out there.

Things happen for a reason.

This is the case for me.

I kept my eyes open after losing the last LO in January. My body REFUSED to ovulate normally. I had a really weak ovulation in March, which was clearly a no-go... and I hadn't ovulated since.

Until this week.

Let's do a recap:

I lost my 11 week pregnancy on January 6.

Haven't been able to ovulate properly since.

I have sworn that my job was making me infertile... that's how stressed out I was.

I left my job on 5/22.  I skipped my way to my car, just thrilled to pieces that I NEVER had to go back.  I did end up having to go back a couple days later to pick up my stuff, and after getting through that anxiety attack, I went, got my stuff and left.

I have been peeing on opks for a couple weeks, just to see what my luteinizing hormone is doing. I was expecting a ridiculously long cycle. Last time I actually ovulated, it was on CD27.  Last cycle, I got to CD35 before I started progesterone to end the cycle.

And two days ago, CD23, I get a positive on my opk.  The top one is from that morning, the bottom one was taken at like 2pm.  I randomly did this... I usually only took 1 a day. Either way, I would have seen the positive the next morning either way... but holy smokes.

My temp is starting to go up... my breasts are a little tender... and as of today, my opk is negative. I think I actually ovulated...

... on my own!!

So... today, I had an interview with a new employer for a position that I think I will succeed with.

... and I start tomorrow.

Can you believe this?!  New job, suddenly ovulating now that I'm no longer with my prior employer that was killing me with stress... 

Imagine all this happening at 7-8 months pregnant.

There's a reason why that baby miscarried. As bad as it sounds... it wasn't time.  It may still not be time. 

But I know that I'm moving forward in my own journey. Changes are always a good thing.

I know for a lot of women going through similar fertility issues, it's not about "relaxing" or anything like that. They have a medical condition that they have to overcome for it to happen.

I've already done that. ;-)  And I still don't have my baby and my bloodwork showed clean at the RE for the repeat loss panel.  We didn't know why I was still having problems ovulating after the miscarriage. It was a big ??

Sometimes, when it's just a big question mark as to why certain things are happening... there is no quantifiable reason... 

Sometimes you just need to step back and let go of the reins and let the Universe take you.

I did... and I'm better off.

Chakra Healing Audio and Healing Symptoms

I had to share this... I randomly found this today in my online searching, so I started listening to it.

Ooo boy! I have a lot of chakra issues.  I couldn't make it through the whole audio.

Shoot, I couldn't make it through 15 minutes without pausing it and walking away to calm down my body.

In listening to things like this that energetically help you heal, if you go into something like panic attacks or have a bout of nausea or get dizzy... this is just your chakras shaking off the negative attachments as well as opening up and healing.

It's kind of like a Herxheimer Reaction (die-off reaction)... but from energy healing.

Take it slow... breathe deep... if you need to stop the audio because you just aren't feeling good, stop it and go back to it later.

It's what I had to do... I think I need to focus more on my energies these days and fix this problem because I shouldn't be having this kind of a "die off".

Well... maybe I should considering what I've been through lately, having been laid off last week, raped last year, 11 week miscarriage this year... yeah, that's a lot of emotional baggage.

Here's to fixing your energy!

Gluten Free Hodgson Mill Pizza Crust

Amazing crust. This stuff actually uses yeast and rises and tastes JUST like the real thing. The texture is JUST LIKE gluten filled crust.

The possibilities are endless with this brand. Well done.

End result? A very yummy homemade pizza... and I'm totally buying this brand again.

Other brands make a "cake" type of "non" dough that's not easy to work with. This was.

End note: My dough was cooked on a stone. I didn't push the dough down in the middle of the pie like I should have, so it ended up a bit messy... but who cares?! It's all going to the same place right??

It's been a while...

With everything that happened earlier this year, there was just WAY too much going on and I didn't have the motivation, nor the need, to express how I felt here.

I spent so much time, in January and February, recovering from the miscarriage and from my Cymbalta withdrawal.

Truly, the worst, physically and mentally, was the Cymbalta. Emotionally, it was the miscarriage.

I truly HATED getting off that drug. It is one of the worst things I've been through. Going from high to low to wild to sleepy while my brain figured itself out... it was friggin' ridiculous.

As I may have mentioned in my prior post on the HSG, my cycle had to be forced using Provera, some 41 days post miscarriage.  The next cycle, the HSG cycle, ended up being a long cycle as well. I didn't ovulate until CD27, AF showed on CD41.

And now... here I am... CD37... and still no ovulation. This is late, even for me.

This is even with an HCG TRIGGER that I took on CD14.

Nope. Body said NO. Went all Grumpy Cat on me.

Since it's so late, I have decided to start a round of progesterone therapy.  I started my Natpro cream to give my body a dose of progesterone. I feel like I may have created a cyst or two from the trigger, and the fact that I'm not ovulating is concerning.

Cool part... my bloodwork is completely clean. No problems whatsoever.

Bad part... this means they don't know what the hell is wrong with me.

So... I have started something called Wobenzym. These are systemic enzymes that are there to help your body bring it back to healthy status. Talk about a massive detox. I will post something on Wobenzym later, defining what it does and explaining some benefits. I'm still in the process of doing the full research on it.

Another good news... I am not allergic to any foods! (other than wheat of course) So any intolerances will likely be addressed by the Wobenzym. I will link to my post on Wobenzym when I post it.

I will get back in the groove of sharing information that I find on this journey that I'm forced to travel.

HSG Diaries

So after my miscarriage in early January,  I basically said, "Fuck it" to trying to conceive naturally and called a Reproductive Endocrinologist.

I was in the next day, if you can believe that. How's that for a sign?

So she set up for a bunch of bloodwork and a hysterosalpingogram, aka HSG, concerned with the number of miscarriages I have had.

Bloodwork done... she found a pelvic infection which been treated the past few days by antibiotics...

And today was the HSG.  *cue scary music*

I had read many different stories about the HSG procedure but didn't really connect to it, thinking that I'll have my own experience. I thought my tubes would be good... pain would be normal and manageable...

Let me preface this with this information before I scare the hell out of someone: I have Celiac disease and my pelvic area HATES any invasive stuff. So I'm more likely to have pain due to that. I also got slightly glutened yesterday. That adds in (very slightly) as well.

So I sit here, in pain, 10 hours post HSG, therefore my view might be skewed.

Went in... excited to find out what's going on.

I was well prepared by my RE... she told me it might hurt.

She asked me to cough... and here we go.

The catheter entering my cervix did create a bit of an automatic "jerk" reaction and then calmed. Sure, slight irritation but nothing huge.

Then the dye.

Oh. My. God.

Shoot me now.

Having that dye shoved in there... the worst cramping I have ever felt. Now, if you read my miscarriage experience, I went thru some extreme pain on January 6, causing vomiting.

This was not quite the same, but it sure as hell was close. If my miscarriage was a 10 on the scale, this was a solid 8.5, maybe 9. The "catch your breath and you better not breathe" kind of pain.

And then it disappeared. The pain disappeared so fast, within 30 seconds of a push on the syringe.

And just as I was relaxing from the shock, another shot of dye came again, and yet another shock of pain.

So painful.

So my uterus is properly shaped, and my right fallopian tube flows wonderfully.

My left tube... not so much. I know my left ovary has issues with bloodflow and I tend to ovulate from my right. So the fact that my left tube is open (NOW... christ she forced it open), but flows at like 10% the rate of my right tube.

Turns out the pain is likely from trying to force my tube open. While I appreciate the gesture,  I am a bit sore down there now.

I left, more than spotting, but not in pain within a minute of the procedure being done.

And then my ibuprofen wore off.

Coughing hurts. Haha Going number 2 hurts. (Remember I got glutened)

I'll get over it. I'm just whining. I don't feel well, and haven't for the last day... catching a cold. Likely from the antibiotics I'm on. (Remember, your health is in your gut... antibiotics kill your gut, therefore kill your immune system... I'll post on that later)

Miscarriage experience

Just for those who are searching... because I certainly was.

Miscarriage sucks. It varies in the pain category,  depending on the pregnancy. Every pregnancy changes... and this is my story.

Found out about the miscarriage Thursday.

By Friday,  the bleeding was barely there... so I drank an angelica decoction to help bring it faster, so I can just be done with it.

Saturday, there was some heavier bleeding, but nothing notable. It appeared to stop by evening. I didn't want to do another decoction to avoid any bleeding issues.

I woke up Sunday morning to my husband lying in bed, listening to music.

I noticed that I was cramping pretty heavily and felt like I might be leaking so I got up to check. It felt a lot like IBS cramps, which is usually relieved by a bowel movement. No dice.

When I got back to my bed, the contractions were not pretty. I was noticing they were pretty heavy and noting that I was likely fully miscarrying this morning.

I'm typically a real trooper when it comes to my pain, so the fact that I agreed that the cramping hurt a bit was huge.

I laid down, with the intent of trying to go back to sleep.

No deal. Had to pee again.

Got up again... and when I made my way back to the bed, the pain was debilitating.  I was surprised at how much it hurt... it's just a miscarriage for pete's sake.

I laid down and tried to focus on other things... Facebook,  pinterest... nope. The contractions were starting to get nasty, now that I was awake.

Contractions weren't decreasing at all. They were lasting for 5-10 minutes and only giving me a break of a minute between.

I kept trying to change positions to ease the pain... and finally had to get up. I walked back and forth, trying to ease the discomfort that was steadily growing... threatening to reach an unmanageable level.

Nausea started rising from the pain, and my concern for safety grew. I'm all about letting the body do its thing, but not to the point where I can't walk without vomiting. 

I asked David to get me a bowl. I knew the vomiting was coming and my bowels were insisting on emptying themselves at the same time.

I sat on the toilet... the contractions consuming me. I tried reiki to calm my nerves and stomach... I absolutely could not focus enough, so I then focused on giving in to the pain, letting my body do what it needs.

The vomiting started... creating a pushing action down below. It wasn't painful... the contractions were painful, not the pushing. I started focusing on trying to stop the vomiting... nothing was coming out... only digestive juices. I could not get it to stop.

About 5 minutes into continuous vomiting, and during a gracious break, my water broke.

Oh My God.

The relief I felt at just having that release in pressure was heavenly.

Immediately, my nausea disappeared.

At 11 weeks, there is apparently a lot for the uterus to get rid of and it was struggling to get the unready unripe cervix open, causing the massive pain.

I believe I passed the baby when the water broke... my bleeding has since slowed considerably.

I post this horrendous experience for others who are going thru the same thing. We, as mothers, are scared shitless to go through a miscarriage in the first place... I can only hope my experience tells that this kind of pain in a miscarriage is normal.

The Hopelessness of Infertility

Life just sucks sometimes.

This pregnancy that I announced in November was fatefully doomed.

I received confirmation of the miscarriage via ultrasound and blood work two days ago, after I started bleeding (like period bleeding) and my midwife couldn't find the heartbeat with the Doppler. I was to be 11 weeks along yesterday, and the baby wasn't even measuring 8 weeks.  They said that the baby likely passed within just a couple days after the last sonogram, shown below, where the heart beat was happily at 174bpm and the baby was just starting to move.  This is the final picture of my child while living.

Down the tubes goes my hopes and dreams for this little one... to wait for the next little soul to grace us with its presence, hopefully more permanently.

No more thinking about the anatomy scan that was going to be coming up soon... no more starting to think about a baby shower since this is my first.  No more daydreaming about summer birthdays since this one was due in the middle of summer.  No more dreaming about a baby girl wearing the pink tutu dress with the big bright cheeky smile inherited from her daddy.  No more dreaming about an artistic baby boy who likes to draw and play baseball.  No more thinking about this upcoming Halloween and what we would dress the baby up as.

I cry... but more on the inside than out.  The tears fall within, borne from pain of 2 years of infertility, health issues, hard research, and death.

My soul cries, knowing that this was all planned for me to experience in this life time... and yet with all the advances in medical science, we are unable to tell why women miscarry and what the exact reason was.

So now... I sit back and wait, while my body expels the tissue naturally... knowing that I created this, and I also killed it.  This is where infertility hurts the most.

Infertility strikes any woman to the core; making us feel less womanly.

The power within the woman is amazing... we have the power to create from within... and the power to kill from within.

I seek to find peace from within... and balance.  I am sad, while I sit here, bleeding both from my body and from my soul, but it won't last. I will return to the strength I once was... and to know that something so small can tear down my rock solid emotional defenses...

... is heart warming and I can't wait to try again.